The Recession Affects Comedy

It looks like the folks on SNL are reusing costumes. And apparently Fred Armisen and Scarlet Johansson wear the same size. Who knew?

2006:



2009:

Necessary Film Revisions: Pretty in Pink

Pretty in Pink hasn't aged well for me. I used to totally buy the starcrossed love affair between Molly Ringwald and Andrew McCarthy, even though it doesn't make any sense at all. Although they hail from vastly dissimilar socioeconomic backgrounds and the fact that all of their friends hate each other's guts, the two characters share a mutual, yet completely inexplicable, attraction that culminates in one of the most awkward dates in cinema history. Seriously, this date is excruciating, especially since it is never made clear why they like each other in the first place. Yet, after a mildly okay-looking kiss, the exceedingly dull pair are OMG SO IN LOVE! Then, torn apart by the scorn of supporting characters who lack any plausible motivation whatsoever, the lovers triumphantly reunite at prom, much to the surprise of teenage girls who DON'T think Duckie's gay. Whatever. Not buying it.

Although I've soured on Pretty in Pink in general, I still have a soft spot for Steff, James Spader's deliciously evil yuppie character in the film. His glorious jerkitude is a pleasure to behold. My friend Eem, who shares my affinity for Steff, and I have joked for years about making a cut of Pretty in Pink that spotlights our favorite teenage devil. Well, I had a lot of free time this weekend. Ladies and gentlemen, the Steff edit.

Back to Cool

Courses at Val University:

Ebay Economics: It's All About the Search Word

Advanced Pop Culture Referencing

Overlooked Film Genres: Erotic Thrillers of the 90s

Doritos Collisions and the Science of Snack Food

Simultaneous Media Consumption

Yo Mamma!: The Art of Smacktalking

Science Friction: Barbarella and the Bombshells of Space

Finding Weird Shit on the Internet


Due to the recession, the degree in Savings is no longer available. Sorry about the inconvenience.

Hell-oh-el cats

Today in bizarre Philadelphia news: some psychopath wrapped a defenseless cat head to paw in duct tape and left her to die. Thankfully, some horrified person found her and took her to an animal welfare organization for care. I can haz goo gone?

Fashion Police

Is it discriminatory to pull a white cop from duty simply because he woke up one morning and decided to rock some sweet cornrows? Maybe. Does the questionable decision rescue the eyes of Philadelphia residents from the searing ugliness of said cornrows? Absolutely.

All that and a bag of chips

Move over Rap Snacks! The bodega in my neighborhood sells the best chips in the world. For a mere 25 cents a pop I can enjoy a tasty snack while supporting a movement for change in urban youth.

Along with nutritional information, the back of Homegirls "It's All That" Potato Chips' packaging offers answers to the most troubling problems that face our youth today. As they munch on the delicious sour cream and onion snacks, misguided girls can also eat up the empowering (and flavorful!) advice, such as:

"MOTHERHOOD:

As we look to becoming mothers one day, we will produce children with good manners and good minds. We are the first teachers.
WE ARE GOING TO CHANGE THIS THING AROUND.

MARRIAGE:

We should save ourselves for marriage. Why should a man respect us if he can have us before marriage? Respect yourself and everyone will respect you. NO RING...NO THING!

THE POWER WITHIN US:

The force within us is stronger than the negative forces outside of us. So our message to bad influences is... STEP OFF!

WE'RE GOING TO CHANGE THIS THING AROUND.

THERE IS A NEW BAG ON THE BLOCK...IT'S ALL THAT! ...AND A BAG OF CHIPS"

In a 1992 interview Jerry T. Rigley, CEO of Chumpies Home Boys and Home Girls Distributing Co., champions the snacks, saying, ""We call them chips with a message. We take a quarter out of a kid's pocket. But we also put something in their minds." The thing he puts in their minds is clearly not about nutritional health but the message is easily digested. Just think how easy Obama's health care plan would go down if it tasted like BBQ. Mmmmm.

Dr. Philadelphia

God bless Dr. Phil. With the closure of all of Philadelphia's libraries and parks (and layoffs of police and firefighters) looming in the future, the benevolent quasi-doctor descended on the city on Wednesday to tackle the city's most dire problem: the decades long feud between two guys who sell cheesesteaks on the same corner in South Philly. I mean, really, who cares about libraries when you can see the owner's of Pat's and Geno's spit a mouthful of each other's product onto the grass of Independence Mall? That's good television! Libraries are boring after all. And for losers. Who needs 'em? I'd gladly trade all the stupid libraries in Philadelphia for the comforting knowledge that the Great Cheesesteak Wars have finally come to an end. Let the bloodshed stop and the whiz flow freely!

When the Pennsylvania State Senate approved a budget on Friday that included the needed funds for the city's library and park systems I felt like the lawmakers were spitting steak right back in Dr. Phil's face. Was all his good work for naught? Despite his best efforts, relations between the two cheesesteak czars are still strained. If we don't send in troops to monitor the situation, communications are sure to break down and this dreaded war will flare back up again. But where will we get the money for military intervention when we are spending it foolishly on public programs? Help us Dr. Phil, you're our only hope!



p.s. I am only kidding. Dr. Phil is an idiot.

Search Me

According to Google Analytics, here are a few keywords that have brought unsuspecting people to my weird little blog:

gazongas

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"sexy hook ups"

"tell him that I love him"

cheetara hot

cougar undies hot

dateing no panties

http://sexyhookups.info

i'm getting married in the morning from my my fair lady onyoutube

lady di panties

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panties euphemisms

princess diana panties

why do panties have crotches


Most of these I totally get, and I think I may have an internet crush on the poor nerdlinger who searched for "cheetara hot", but I was shocked by the apparent demand for pictures or information about Princess Diana in her underpants. Seriously? Is this a thing? Pretending for a moment that she was still alive and it wasn't morbid to look for pictures of her unclad, I just don't get her appeal. She's too well scrubbed for my taste, kind of like trying to rub one out to a picture of Julie Andrews. Well, I guess Julie Andrews has two things going for her:



That's right. Nice tits.